listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
