he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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