Duck Duck Cougar?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
