It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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