Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
