the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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