and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
When did angry sex become our thing?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
