He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
