Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize