My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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