Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
