Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
