I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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