Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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