I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
