Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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