My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
