I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
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