Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
