So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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