What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
