Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
