at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
