billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Randomize
