OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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