pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize