dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
