I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
