i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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