Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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