so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize