i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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