She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
