where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
