when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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