I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
