Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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