You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
