I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
