I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
