..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
