Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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