there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
