I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize