Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
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Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
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