and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
