I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
