apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
