and next time when you feel me up, do it right
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
