Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
