i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
