I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize