I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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