The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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