god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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