Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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