Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I love having hate sex.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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