So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
