i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
