i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize