Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
