I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
