im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
