Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
