umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
