we have pet lesbian snakes
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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