did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
