those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
being pregnant is like rehab
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
