i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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