Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
