I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
