i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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