I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
