I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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