So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
