i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
