Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
