I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Drunk is not a location!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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