when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
