theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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